In remembrance.....

As soon as my eyes were wide open in the early hours of the morning today, the first thing that hit me is the fact that today is the 40th day since my mom passed away. It is true that as time goes by, it does not hurt as much as it used to especially like those first few weeks but it still hurts since I miss my mom dearly. I still breakdown when I am with my sisters though. Just like what our family doctor told my sis, she said, “you will miss your mom all through your life, no matter what!”.

My sis (L), nephew Ayol and arwah mama (R)

Memories I have of my arwah mama are still fresh in my mind. I can still remember the important role she played in my life:-

• I can still recall how she single handedly organized a birthday party when I was a kid. Where we had party favours in the shapes of gigantic sweets, 'pin the worm to the apple' kind of game etc..
  
• How determined she was back then to help me with my Geography paper when I was preparing for my SRP. She knew how much I really hated Geography. Months before the exam she would sit with me while I did my revision. She was strict but at the same time I knew she did it with all her heart. Eventually I realized, how important education is to my mom.

• I am glad that she was strict with me when I was in high school.


• She insisted that I had my hair cut when she visited me during my first year abroad.
  
• She sent me a dozen of roses when I was working for the first year on my birthday and she did it very discreetly as well.
  
• She sent me the one and only birthday card she bought from Beijing when I was studying in England. Signed off as from: mama and ayah. My mom expresses her love always by actions seldom by words. She loves to write via the blue coloured Pos Malaysia aerogram when I was away, I remember having a box full of them when I graduated.


• I used to watch Bold & Beautiful with her all the time. We would always compare notes when one is not able to catch a certain episode.
  
• I can still remember how happy she was when she went for all our graduations.


• I miss her nasi goreng with isi ikan. Simple but sedap!


• I miss having her sleep in my bed and tell me what she thinks and how she feels while I laze around on the floor playing with the notebook.


• I miss her strength, she has taught me to be independent and never to expect much from people, take charge and never be afraid to make decisions.


• The most important thing I learn from her is whenever you are lost, open your mouth and ask for direction. She will always tell me “jangan takut tanya orang, that is how you learn".


• I miss helping her get dress and I miss bathing her with the cream body wash.

• I miss everything about her.

I just feel the need to write about her as it helps ease my pain.

She will always be close to my heart, every time I miss her, I will close my eyes and I can picture her.

Al Fatihah. Semoga Roh Arwah dicucuri Rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang beriman. Amin.