A very difficult time for me...

Almost 2 weeks have gone by since my mom passed away. I still miss my mom so much, flashback and memories of her keep lingering in my head. I really miss talking and joking around with her. I miss taking care of her and especially touching and holding her. The toughest bit of all for me is when I had to go through her stuff and reorganize her clothes. I could not stop crying. When I am at home, I can still remember how it was like when she was walking around the house, hanging out with me in my room and we would always talk about anything under the sun.

Arwah has always been my pillar of strength and without my arwah mama, I feel as though I am carrying a big hole in my heart. I still wonder how I am gonna face life without her encouragements and motivation. She has always been there for me when I went through all the important events in my life as well as those times when I did disappoint her. My mom never fails to amaze me with her inner strength, determination to see her kids grow up to be “orang yang berguna” and her unconditional love for her kids. My aunt told me last week that my mom’s only wish was for me to get married when she was still alive. I am sure all mothers worry for their single daughters (sons) when all other siblings are married with kids. But ajal maut jodoh pertemuaan di tangan Tuhan.

I had to drag myself to work yesterday and Alhamdulillah work has somehow managed to distract me a little bit from my grief and sorrow. My close friends at work have been wonderful they stayed with me and shared with me my sadness. It helps a great deal when people you know acknowledge the fact that you have just lost a mother. I know a few people who would just look from a far trying their best to stay away as they couldn’t handle if they were to ask and I would end up crying.

I am planning to just face the future gradually like the saying goes, face one day at a time. Right now, my dad is everything to me. I am sure my father misses my mom more than anything. But Alhamdulillah he is strong and I am lucky that I still have him.

I still cry buckets but I guess I need time to pull myself through this dugaan from Allah S.W.T. I am sure many of you had lost your mom or dad and definitely it takes time to move on.

To my friends who came for my arwah mama’s funeral and tahlil. Thank you so much!

Also to those who called, visited, sms-ed, email-ed, sent flowers and cakes/kuih etc, THANK YOU, hanya Allah S.W.T dapat membalas budi anda semua.

Al fatihah.

Semoga roh arwah dicucuri Rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yg beriman. Amin